Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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