hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
