Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize