Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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