Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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