my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
