are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
