Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
