I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
