I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
