he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
