Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
