ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
