I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
