I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
