Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
