I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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