I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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