The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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