Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So much Jack, so little girl.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
