the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
