I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I deserve this hangover.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
