but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
