1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
