I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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