I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
