Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
