I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
