Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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