Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
