similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
