Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
