If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize