did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
