My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
