I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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