she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize