need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
