FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
