thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
