I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
