there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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