I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
