you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
