Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
