the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
