you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
