Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
