I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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