We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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