wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
